Excuse this god awful pun, but THE TIGER IS OUTTA THE CAGE. In one swift move, “Mac Daddy Santa” shows all the ladies (and the haters that say he’s done) that he’s still got his fastball. The traps, the pecs, the bi’s- all huge. Expect his drives to be north of 340 all season.
“Tiger Woods” was recovering sex addict. “Mac Daddy Santa” is a full fledged sexaholic going out 3-4 nights a week hitting on every cocktail waitress in sight.
I think even Tiger knew that he would return to his old ways eventually. When you combine an other-worldly golf swing with an insatiable sex drive, rehab can only do so much for a man. Telling Tiger to settle down is like telling an actual Tiger to go vegan. The man needs to hunt.
Ultimately, all I want for Christmas is for Tiger to win another major. All he wants is to take down a couple of pornstars. I don’t wanna get too excited but it looks like we’re both gonna get what we want.
P.S To all the ladies of Orlando, keep you’re eyes peeled as you head out this holiday season. Eldrick will be the jacked guy with the white goatee asking chicks if they want to sit on his lap. Legend.